When Entering the Dating World-Calling out the Online Dating Ridiculousness-3B
Oh No Moment
Bad Advice from magazines and advice columns
This drives me crazy. If you pick up or see any magazine in your device, just browse through the headlines. It’s deplorable. I see this in both women’s and men’s magazines. You will see encouragement to have multiple partners without discussing the risks involved. You will also see advice on sex positions, ways to seduce, turn people on and take risks without warnings of diseases, emotional heartbreak or physical danger risks, or self respect. Then you will see an odd article on treatments for sexually transmitted diseases, which could have been avoided if that bad advice was not given in the first place. Also, there is this false sense that anything can be cured with a pill so there is no real danger in risky sexual business. Since many people are seeking freedom of expression, particularly younger generations, they will choose to ignore the warnings and go with the advice from a large, popular publication. That is heartbreaking in itself.
Oh No Moment
Cuchi-cuchi outfits but “don’t come near me” attitude
This is very common among young women. Especially when they are in groups together in clubs or social places. If you are wearing ultra sexy, seductive outfits, others will assume you are there to attract a sexual partner. That doesn’t mean that if you are the one wearing these outfits you ought to speak to anyone that walks up to you, but it also doesn’t mean you have to be rude and bitchy because someone does approach you. Do yourself and others a favor, don’t send mixed messages. Use common sense instead or layers.
Oh No Moment
Misunderstanding friendliness with flirting
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I have always been friendly and because I am a healing-empath, I can pick up if someone is feeling insecure or uncomfortable. I try to make them comfortable and reaching out in a positive and healthy way. But no matter how much you try to have a combination of boundaries and friendliness some people will misunderstand my intentions. This can be maddening because I know they long for affection and acceptance, but they don’t know how to receive it without connecting with a past trauma or thinking there is an ulterior motive. Many times, I have to choose not to be affectionate so they don’t think I’m somehow romantically interested. This can happen with both men and women. And again, it is because they are not accustomed to affection and for whatever reason, they misunderstand and mistake what my intentions are. In these cases I say, stay true to oneself and don’t take on their issues. Stay loving and open with healthy boundaries and right people will come into your life.
Oh No Moment
Avoiding being scammed online (or in any way) by a person using dating as a ruse
Many people, especially women get themselves into serious trouble by attracting and pursuing partners who are scammers, criminals and all around scoundrels. They do this due to loneliness, the savior syndrome (thinking they can change the person), an attraction to “bad boys”, or confusing love with other issues like attraction, acceptance and validation. In any case, these kinds of relationship almost always end in heartbreak, and worst; violence, jail and even death. Here I will simply address how to detect when someone is a con artist when meeting or going online to find a romantic partner. I will use he, she or both to indicate that con artists can be of either gender.
- A con artist, usually from outside the United States, says he is a professional living or traveling abroad.
- Con artist usually uses instant messaging or TTY services for the deaf to disguise their un-American accents.
- A suitor who declares his/her love for you too quickly.
- In addition to declaring their love, they may want to immediately know of your actions and control them.
- A con artist doesn’t share specific information about their own life or work. Don’t confuse it for it being romantically mysterious. It’s probably a huge warning sign of something shady.
- A man (or woman) who sends you a fake photo of a male model or well-dressed older man that he’s taken off the Internet. The same can be said for a woman.
- Scammers will often string you along for weeks before asking for money.
- They are known to send flowers and candy to sweeten you up.
- Beware if they ask you to wire them money so they can make money for you or to pay their travel expenses so they can be with you. You cannot get this money back. Do NOT send it.
- Sometimes they will even pretend they know someone you know on social media saying they had made money for that person. If you know the person they are referring to well you can confirm it but still use caution.
- S/He may insist on seeing you on a Webcam, usually when their Webcam isn’t functioning. They want to make sure you’re not a law enforcement agent. Besides, the photo s/he sent won’t match their real appearance on the Webcam.
- There is always one drama after the next, because he needs funds for his daughter’s college tuition or his mother's hospital bill. Men usually do this type.
- He may ask you to handle his banking transactions in the US, which could lead you to becoming his criminal accomplice.
- Do not wire money because it is gone the moment you send it and you can’t get it back. This bears repeating.
- He may have bought expensive items on stolen credit cards and want you to send them to him. That, too, could lead you to becoming his partner in crime.
- Never, ever give out any personal information and certainly not passwords or other information that would allow him to get into your online accounts.
- At times s/he might even bully you by lying to you about being a fellow victim of a dating scam; or even pretending to be a law enforcement officer tracking down online dating scammers. A real law enforcement official would never ask you for money or personal information such as your Social Security number or account number over the Internet.
- Report your situation to the dating social media website, as well as the following places below, as soon as possible. Forget being embarrassed. It is more important this person be stopped because chances are they will continue to do this until caught by law enforcement.
If you believe you’ve been scammed, use these resources:
IC3.gov the Federal Internet Crime Complaint Center
Fraud.org the National Consumer’s Fraud Center
The U.S. Postal Inspection Service because you used the postal system.
~Diana Navarro, M.S.
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners
#bitesizehealing
