Domestic Violence, Why Won't this old Foe go Away?

That Old Violent Foe
One day I had a dream that men were beating up women n the street and urinating on them. That is a nightmare. I woke up puzzled, distressed, disgusted and thought to myself "why would anyone hit another person when we have a brain to reason with?" But on this planet, this existence violence does exist and women have always been a so very perfect target. but why? Is it something karmic? Ancient? Why is there so much anger and hatred towards women? And yes towards towards same-sex partners?

Why am I Discussing this?
I know the topic of domestic violence is very popular again, specifically on social media to the scandal that occurred recently with a football player. But domestic violence or what some are calling domestic terrorism is nothing new. It's been here since the dawn of time. And not only women have been targets but children, men and animals. It is the so-called perceived "weaker" one who becomes the target. By weaker I certainly don't mean it in the traditional way because it takes mental and spiritual weakness and cowardice to hurt another being. I mean weakness as in somehow emotionally, financially, socio-economically physically dependent on the attacker/aggressor. 

Back in college I wrote a paper titled "Domestic Violence: The Equal Opportunity Destroyer". It was for an honors program. I did a local study that showed that anyone (in this case a sample of women) form any age, race, background, etc., can be a subject domestic violence. Notice I didn't say victim. I believe we can go from recipient of abuse to victor of ones life. However for the sake of simplicity I will use the word victim because it is how most people identify the recipient of abuse. Working on this project led me to working with actual clients who were in violent relationships. These relationships included 

• physical, 
• emotional/psychological, 
• sexual (which includes physical, emotional / spiritual violence),  
• and economic abuse. 

The place where I worked included emergency services, crisis counseling, referrals, finding shelter, crucial information and even changing locks for clients. But why did I decide to do this kind of work? I noticed that many other co-workers were either former domestic violence survivors. And so was I.

My story
As a teenage I met a young man through my best friend's family. I would spend every weekend with them and they would take me to Pennsylvania a mini vacation from New York. It was the greatest thing in the world for me because it was the only family my mother trusted enough to have me stay with them. Everything was great. I was an honors student. I loved being with four girls since I didn't have sisters it was so much fun. When I was 15 it was already a few years I was doing my weekend stay-overs and on one of these I met my friend's cousin and thought I fell in love. Yes, at 15 when our brains and bodies are all over the place developmentally. 

I jump ahead and say we were quickly and item and he was so charming my mother took him right in to our family and we even stayed together. I was convinced I would marry him. Then he showed how jealous he was. Irrationally so. I never thought it was a sign of caring. It clearly was a controlling jealousy and I remember he even wanted me to quit school. I had no intentions of doing that. He became more controlling picking me up, following me, watching everything I did. He would argue with me all the time telling me what to do and when, often shoving me, pushing me around and holding me down. He also assaulted me sexually and I wanted at this point to break up with him but it seemed impossible with his relentless back and forth between loving and bullying me. One day while I was at his family's home in New York as usual, he looked in my journal and saw I was writing letters to an old boyfriend. Nothing romantic just a friendly corresponding. But he didn't see it that way. He accused me of cheating. I screamed to him "how dare you look at my journal, that's private!" He followed me into a room as I grabbed by journal and proceeded to pull me by the hair and pummel me to a pulp. 

He was in such a rage yelling how he was going to kill me and I am sure he was going to. He punched, kicked, smacked and knocked me to the floor kicking me in the head. He was trying to kill me. He said said so. The same old "if I can't have you and you won't respect me I'm gong to kill you". This lead to some serious permanent damage to my left eye and neck. For some reason no one from his family heard me scream at the top of my lungs. But one of his cousins was heading towards the restroom and heard me opened the door and called for the rest of the her family. It took 3 people to get him off me. Literally dragged off, as he was possessed screaming would kill me. I could barely move but dragged myself to their phone and called the police. 

I didn't know where he went but didn't care. I called 911 anyway. His cousin came in and said he drove off that I was safe. I waited for the police who drove me home. I didn't want to go to the hospital and could move. The obliged but with a stern warning. I will never, ever forget what the officer said to me. He looked right at me and said "don't go back with him. He did it once, he will do it again and he can kill you next time. Please don't go back," I heard him out but couldn't think clearly. I got home and my mother screamed with horror. I didn't know why until I saw myself in the mirror and was unrecognizable. 

Weeks later the boyfriend returned. I did go back with him. It took a few more violent encounters for me to realize the officer was right and I was going to end up dead. It took a few years but I left him for good. He did still follow and try to contact me for 10 years. But finally I stopped hearing from him directly and occasionally heard about him from his cousins who by this time I was no longer close to. From what I heard he was beating up whoever he ended up with. He was cruel and also hurt animals. Where is he now? He is dead. He died a few years ago quite young on the eve of my birthday. One of his cousins wished me a happy birthday and gave me the gift of peace of mind he would never stalk me again. What did he die of? I'm not too sure except it had something to do with an enlarged heart. I had no idea he had a heart at all. 

Working with domestic violence victims for years taught me a lot. Including some very unexpected and controversial realizations I will discuss in a future post. I also encountered victims of domestic violence doing other type of consulting, advising and coaching. I no longer provide crisis counseling though the training is instilled in me. When I do encounter this in my spiritual coaching, I deal with it one person at a time and refer them to a professional who has the resources a client needs. The point is, there is always help and options. 

What are the options for victims?
Not every story is like mine. Many victims do die. Many continue to be abused for decades and in turn often pass on the legacy of violence to their children and other generations. I know there is another way. There is help available. One has to want to want it more than air itself. I know some perpetrators are relentless and will continue to try to control their victim until the end. I also know there are incredibly complex factors that make leaving a violent partner or family member very difficult and all but impossible. 

The human spirit can rise above anything. I've seen people dispirited because they feel there are no options, choices or escape from their pain. In this post's case the pain of being victimized. But there is hope and there are options. 

• Ask for help-there are many, many resources available practically everywhere. Both traditional and non traditional. Traditional meaning hotlines, counselors, shelters, the police, and hospitals, non traditional, can be other family members, friends, spiritual centers, neighbors, and colleagues. Never let anyone convince you to try to work things out with a violent partner. There is nothing you can do to control the other's behavior and completely unfair for anyone to ask you.
• Do your research-there are many ways to prevent, avoid and leave abusive relationships. Arm yourself with knowledge. In this case knowledge truly is power. Very often you need a strategy to get away. Many abusers use all their resources to try to maintain control. So it is best to have a plan.
• Be willing to pick up and go
• Never go back
• Watch for your children and pets. They are the silent victims and need the adult to have the wherewithal to protect them.
• Some perpetrators have triggers some do not. If you do know their triggers and many victims do, know you are not responsible for his/her action but avoid escalating until you can get to safety. 
• Trust your gut above all. It is never wrong, while the heart and head working separately can falter 

Calling and doing an internet search when you are able to safely will give you so much information. Including identifying or confirming you are being abused. There could be so much confusion in some relationships including seeing in your own family, or friends lives it can seem it's okay or normal to have violence in ones life but it is not. Not at all. There are ways of living peacefully, joyfully, healthfully. Know that is your birthright. 

Start with a simple hotline search if you are not sure The National Domestic Violence Hotline can also refer you to a local service for more help.

Why won't domestic violence go away?

As I started this post, I repeat that domestic violence has existed since the beginning of our recorded history. Just think of the image of a caveman hitting a woman over the head and dragging her by the hair into the cave. This is seen as actually comical. It isn't. It's dead serious, literally. So why after all this time have we not conquered the human ill of domestic violence. Hitting, killing hurting the ones we so-call love? Here are some ideas:

-We still don't offer strong legal repercussions to perpetrators

-It still isn't taken as a serious in many parts of the world

-We aren't always educated as to what to look for and how to avoid potential perpetrators 

-We haven't had total spiritual awakening that shows the uselessness of violence.

Can you think of a few more? I'm sure you can. Please add them in the comments section if you wish. 

I send you the light of safety and happiness.

If you would like more information on me and my quest please do contact me. I am of course on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, Youtube, Google+, Pinterest, Blogger, and BlogTalkRadio and all can be accessed via my website: www.thisisdiana.com and http://ow.ly/AGmlA  Sign up to my email list and get a FREE E-Book!

~Always with Love, Light and Common Sense Manners~

Diana Navarro, M.S.

On a Quest to Bring Common Sense Manners Back!

Fear is meant to be a life preserving emotion. However, too many of us are living in fear every day and it has nothing to do with life or death per se. In an uncertain world we need a certain amount of fear to keep us alert.  But not to the point where it becomes debilitating. 

For too many people fear has become your enemy. There is no other way to describe it.  Living with this constant fear leads to a slew of chronic physical, emotional and spiritual painful health issues. These can include anxiety, stress which in turn affects every bodily system, panic attacks, fatigue and so much more. Our adrenal glands become taxed from all the adrenalin it's pumping thinking you are in a life or death mode. There has to be a better way to bring yourself to balance and live a peaceful yet alert life. A life of balance.  

It is crucial for you to identify what "healthy" fear is versus living with chronic anxiety and worry. You may need a outside or professional help you assist you with this. Someone once described fear as, sand in the machinery of life. Unnecessary and constant fear doesn't help you, it hinders you. Fear doesn't get you through an open door; it keeps you in the hallway. Fear never helps you put your best foot forward; it just keeps both of your feet in cement.

Many schools of thought propose you learn to live with your fears, embrace your fears,  and that It's normal to have fears because everybody does. But again, if it's ever-present, you cannot live a full life and enjoy certain adventures life as to offer. It's true that many people do have fears. And there are people who are trying to learn how to live with their fears, and embrace them.

But if it's normal to have fears, then why are so many people so ill from it? The answer is, it isn't healthy place of balance. The very good news is that there are ways of approaching this disharmony. 

Approaches to addressing unnecessary and debilitating fear

• Medical-Check with a medical professional to rule out any underlying disease or illness. If one is identified then you can begin treatment and be on your way to wellness. 
• Psychological-Have an mental and psychological evaluation. As with a medical evaluation a psychological evaluation can identify or rule out any condition that may be causing and triggering the unhealthy fear. 
• Spiritual and Holistic-There are many resources available to get the spiritual support you may need should you need it. You don't have to be of a particular religion to get the help you need. Now with all the information available you can find a fit that is for you, from yoga, to Feng Shui, reiki, accupuncture, to spiritual counsel. The point is that there are options available in addition to the traditional health ones. 
• Creative-With the right guidance you can find that finding the right creative outlet is extremely helpful for releasing unnecessary fears. This can be something you can handle physically and emotionally ranging from dancing, sketching, chanting/singing, the sky is the limit.
• Physical-Just like the creative outlet, there are physical ones as well than can help you dislodge that stagnant fear and anxiety. Some overlap with the creative outlet and can include self-defense classes, again yoga, strength training, kick-boxing, all depending on your physical capabilities. 

Think about it – if it's normal to have fears, and you had no fears, then you would be abnormal, right? The goal is to be in balance in an ever-changing world. To give you relief from pain and the ability to cope with challenges.

The above suggestions can often help with specific types of fear. As in the fear of what others think of you. People do things, say things, and even buy things because of the fear that they have of what others think. In that way you can avoid certain behaviors done simply out of fear such as

~Joining clubs or organizations because they are afraid that if they don't, others might think badly of them.

~Saying things and talking a certain way because they are afraid that they might not say the right thing in front of the right people.

~Purchasing purchase items because of fear not measuring up to those around them. And on and on it goes. Or the need for products or services for insurance, injury prevention products

~Being directly affected because you are constantly reminded by the media of the the disasters in the world.  

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You don't have to live with fear. Here are 3 additional simple keys to dealing with this unnecessary fear.

1. Start by realizing that there is support available to you.  
2. Ask for the help and find the right one that works for you and your belief system to help you to get rid of all your fears. 
3. Make decisions based on what is best for you, not how it may or may not appear to others. You'll never, ever be able to please everyone, so stop trying to. You'll never, ever be right in everybody's eyes, so stop trying to.

When you make a decision, ask yourself, Why am I making this decision? Is it based on fear? Make decisions based on what is right and best for your life, regardless of what others think.

You can live without fear.

If you would like more information on me and my quest please do contact me. I am of course on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, Youtube, Google+, Pinterest, Blogger, and BlogTalkRadio and all can be accessed via my website: www.thisisdiana.com and http://ow.ly/AGmlA 

~Always with Love, Light and Common Sense Manners~

Diana Navarro, M.S.
On a Quest to Bring Common Sense Manners Back!

When Calamities Spark A Spiritual Awakening

YOU CAN NOW HEAR THIS IN A BROADCAST HERE

Disclaimer: This post is informational only. Any issues should be first addressed with a medical professional to properly diagnose and exclude any physical, psychological and mental conditions and/ or illness. 

A Visit To My Spiritual Awakening
I wrote a manuscript seven years ago. It's in my computer's hard drive. This manuscript is about my spiritual awakening. However, every time I thought I was reaching a good place to stop writing and send it to be published I would encounter another huge challenge that put the breaks on it. I realized I didn't need the book published in order to share is crucial information that can potentially help many in a spiritual state of emergency crisis and confusion. I already do that through my blog, and intuitive sessions, talks and broadcasts. So welcome to some information I trust will ease your process and make this journey as exciting as it truly is.

I went through a series of extremely difficult challenges beginning in 1999. It began with my mother's sudden death from a rare cancer, and continued into my move to San Francisco California where I endured ridiculous adversities. These included caring for someone who was very ill and struggling 3,000 miles from anyone I loved and trusted. I experienced for the first time issues of being completely isolated. I myself became ill. I ran out of money, no one would hire me no matter how qualified or educated I was and it was 2002 a post 9/11 world. To top it all off I was facing eviction. I was very close to being in the streets with my cats and belongings.

After working tons of temp jobs, running out of unemployment extensions, getting that eviction notice, still openly grieving my mother's death, I had what I call "The Dark Night of My Soul". I walked in one day to my quaint studio apartment on Nob Hill from yet another disappointing interview, turned off all my lights and phone and laid down for what felt the deepest darkest moment of my life. I thought to myself I give up, I can't fight any more. I sank into a deep sleep. I didn't drink, eat or take anything. I just fell into darkness. The deepest pain I've ever felt. All the years of going to college, graduate school, working multiple jobs, counseling people rescuing animals, all for nothing. I couldn't survive without material resources to eat, pay rent and live. 

I don't know how long it was before I felt a warmth on the right side of my head. Apparently I was sleeping on my back and in addition to this warmth I felt a bright light. I know when I fell into this sleep it was evening and I didn't get direct sun light into my living room. So what was this light? I wondered. The warmth enveloped me and I saw, literally saw a light in the ceiling above me. I lived in the ground floor of a walk-up and clearly didn't have a hole in the ceiling. I cannot describe the light except it was utterly beautiful. Up to this day I cannot put in words what I felt at that moment. It's as if that light had consciousness. It was alive and communicated to me with pure love and no verbal words... "It's all right". I felt as if when a loved one puts their forehead against yours. A rush of emotion like I had never felt moved through me like a tidal wave. I wept from the deepest part of my soul, not feeling alone for the first time since my mother's death. I cried for what seemed forever. I cried so much my abdomen ached. But I felt alive again. That was the beginning of my psychic opening and awakening. But it was not the end of my challenges and struggles. and I had some doozies ahead.

Throughout this time something odd happened to me. What I always thought was a defect, my being oversensitive to everyone and everything, was actually a psychic gift. I was an empath.

In a recent post I put some information about who psychics are, are not, and what some of the names which are used describe psychics. I also spoke of my particular affinity to be an empath and for the sake of ease and clarity I have placed it again below.

An Empath is an Intuitive who in addition to expressing empathy (the ability to put oneself in another person or animal's place emotionally, physically and spiritually), has abilities and characteristics that go beyond the normal five senses. Empaths are extremely sensitive to their environment, people and animals. S/he literally “feels” and senses what others feel, think and the motives behind these. An Empath can receive psychic information by feeling what others feel/think but also via visual flashes, dreams, and connecting synchronicities.

Discovering I was an empath was a messy and clumsy process. Although I had extensive knowledge of psychology and research, there wasn't much written about this phenomenon I was experiencing. What I did know was that it wasn't an illness and I knew it changed me fundamentally. I put my research skills into practice and searched everywhere until I found information on what is called spiritual emergencies.One of the resources I found is a book called: Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis (New Consciousness Readers) by Stanislov Grof and Christina Grof . It was extremely helpful and I was able to put the many other pieces of this fragmented process together with some time and begin healing old wounds while preparing for this exciting journey.

What Causes a Psychic Awakening/Opening and What is it Like

Spiritual Awakenings have occurred since the dawn of humanity. It has many names but no matter what race, ethnicity, religion, gender or age it has very specific patterns and manifestations. What triggers an awakening is very individual. Some seek actively seek it. They may go through a religion or spiritual practice. It happens for others when something huge happens in their life, usually a tragedy or a series of adverse events. For others, it may be a gradual process that occurs via prompts, signs and synchronicities. The ultimate reason why an awakening begins is known to your higher self. We all have a calling, a purpose for being here. Some of us know, others don't. Your awakening brings you closer to this calling. What you do with this knowledge is always up to you. 

No matter that the trigger or the reason for an awakening the effect is unmistakable. The person's life is changed from inside out. Soon after an awakening you may experience some signs that have been studied, observed and researched.  These experiences vary from person to person. Not everyone feels the same things and in the same intensity. Some are physical, some are emotional and some are spiritual. Below are just some of the signs, not an all inclusive list. For that,  I suggest you do some online searches.. Oh, one more thing. Not everything is going to resonate with you. So use your common sense and gut to determine what does. 

Some signs that may indicate a spiritual awaking are:

• Changes in your five senses (should you have them all). Heightened or changes in hearing, tasting, smelling, touching and seeing. You may see, hear, taste, smell and feel things differently. You may experience things with your senses that are not experienced by others around you unless they have spiritually awakened. See flashes of light, shadows, hear sounds bells, music, feel heat, cold not due to regular environmental factors, etc. 
• Drastic changes in your sleep cycle. You may need much more sleep, much less sleep or sleep in chunks of 3 hours at a time.
• Strange vibrations within your body. Some report feeling as if they had their phone on vibrate but with nothing out side to cause this sensation. It is internal and an effect of your nervous system interacting with your subtle (spiritual) body. 
• Intensely lucid dreams, including out of body experiences. These dreams are un-disputably vivid and you are fully aware you are dreaming. You can often control events in your dreams. So experience soul travel or out-of-body experiences where your astral self is aware it is outside of your living, breathing resting body. This is nothing to worry about and there is much literature on it to help with any fears associated with it. 
• You may affect electronics around you, watches, computers, other machinery may not function normally. This is again a reaction of your own body's electromagnetic energy interacting with the outside to such a degree it disrupts the normal function of of those items.
• You may feel very differently about your life, career, family, friends, politics, religion, animals and the planet. Many times spiritual awakening be be your initiation into the process of Lighwork. The work of healing, self and others with light, love, your personal talents, and skill sets. I find this to be one of the most challenging because you need support during this time. If others don't "get" what you are going through they may openly cause you distress and increase any feelings if uncertainty you may already be experiencing.
• Higher sensitivity to violent and harsh situations which will lead you to want to avoid these as much as possible. Violent movies, games and even sports you  may have thought were enjoyable are no longer pleasing. 
• Developing different tolerance for food in your diet. You may have an intense desire to change what you eat to healthier, cleansing and whole foods. Some find eating meats no longer possible while others may need to eat more to calibrate their system into balance.
• Developing sudden allergies and skin sensitivities and acne outbreaks. This is very unpleasant but doesn't last forever. Do your due diligence and check with your physician/nutritionist/do our own research if you don't have one, and see if there is an external factor that is triggering this. 
• You may be more focused on healing, loving and helping others. This may seem like a huge task but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Start with yourself of course, then do simple things like recycling, donate to reputable established organizations doing good for the world, open the door for others, say thank you, smile, pet an animal, save an animal, talk to a plant...they DO hear you and it's been scientifically verified. 
• You may desire isolation for some time. This is tricky because again, friends and family may mistake this for depression or illness. After you have checked you are physically and emotionally ok, you may want to give your self the gift of isolation for introspection, meditation, learning and body work like exercise, yoga, listen to high frequency healing sounds and music for instance. 

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What Can You Do About It

Once an awakening has occurred, it is virtually impossible to go back to a "normal" life. The way you see the world, people, animals and your space will change. You are fundamentally the same but your senses are heightened and transformed. 

The best thing you can do is take a deep breath...a lot of deep breaths. The second next thing is do some good old fashion research. Fortunately there are a lot more resources available than there were 10 years ago. On on the internet alone you can find most of what you'll need. However, nothing can replace the help of another human being to hear about what you are experiencing. Ideally, you would want to have multi-prong resource plan available. 

• Read and research a lot. There is so much information available including what others have experiences, how they are coping, and what to expect so check as much literature,(books, blogs, articles, magazines) as you can.
• Find a professional in the spiritual healing community (a legitimate psychic/intuitive), 
• Explore seeing a holistic therapist, or other mental health professional versed in spiritual emergencies.
• Research a group of fellow individuals who can share your experiences in a private, secure environment. Sometimes the people closest to you may have the most difficult time supporting you through this process. This may be due to fear, lack of knowledge, confusion, or even a bit of envy. With time and the correct way of communicating with them this can be eased. But sometimes, sadly you may have to distance yourself from anyone who is hurtfully negative towards you and your experience.
• Take more mindful care of your body, your emotions and your spirit. Self nurture is very crucial. 
• Don't rush this process. Many get eager and start exploring ways to accelerate their spiritual journey and get themselves burned out or over-loaded. Everyone has their own pace, so rushing into practices like kundalini yoga (or any mind/body/spirit practice), beginning to explore tools like tarot, pendulums without proper preparation, guidance and information, can be very counter-productive and even dangerous.

I discuss much of this with my clients during intuitive sessions. I often find that people who seek this type of guidance do so because they themselves are highly intuitive and may be going through a spiritual awaking or spiritual growth spurt and frequency leap. In any case, it is important to note that this is not a linear process with predictable steps. However, there is enough information and tools from the many people who have and are experiencing this incredible transformation. Congratulations on your awakening and welcome to the world of Lightwork. 



Oh and by the way...follow me here............. 

With Light. Love and OM
Diana Navarro, M.S.
www.Thisisdiana.com
Psychic--Empath with a Psychology background, Radio and Video Broadcast Host, Speaker, Entertainer, Consultant and features topics on Lifestyle/Manners, Humor, Entertainment, Health, The Paranormal and Causes.

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