Dating: Online Ridiculousness, When Actually Dating Part 5 Final Excerpt

The following Oh No Moment Dating Posts are excerpts from Heartbreak: Know Why and Heal

When Dating Isn’t Going to Work Out

via GIPHY

Oh No Moment

Whether to date again or not

Once you meet someone you like and perhaps want to date them again, the question of who is going to call whom arises. In a male/female relationship is it traditionally the male who makes the call. Of course there are exceptions depending on cultural norms at the time. And typically, it may be the male/alpha male in same sex dating. The possible scenarios are that you either want to see each other again or decide you don’t want to date and end it right there mutually and amicably. That takes communication and finesse. If you don’t want to date them again find out the best way to communicate this. Be aware some people feel rejected even if they themselves don’t want to continue dating you. How things are said matters. On the other hand, there are others who just won’t take no for an answer and are creeps. Be aware of this too.

Oh No Moment

Don’t break up with someone via text, email or social media

The exception is if there is absolutely no other option. There are cases where the person could be a bit creepy and it may be best to distance yourself slowly and carefully. Otherwise, if you have been on a few dates, it’s best to be clear in a well-mannered way that you will no longer be dating. Don’t be hurtful or abusive, it just isn’t necessary. Sometimes people just don’t click and you both have to be able to handle that once you engage in the dating scene.

Oh No Moment

The person disappears after one or more dates, what happened?

There is nothing more maddening than going on a date or two or even three times and thinking you click, then the person disappears with no explanation. As you can see, if there is clear communication from the beginning, then you both can know this is just a one date event or the possibility of more dates. But for the love of love, do not keep the person hanging. On the other hand, don’t keep asking, calling, texting, emailing or looking for a person if they don’t seem interested. If they don’t respond within a reasonable time (and that depends on the circumstances and people involved), then assume the person is not interested and move on as soon as possible. If possible try to learn from it without torturing yourself with the millions of things that could have led to this ending.

There are many reasons why people don’t respond when they don’t want to date again. Some reasons will have to be with them, some with you and other reasons with the interaction you had together. This has to be understood within your specific circumstances. Sometimes the expectations are so high that disappointment is inevitable. Other times there simply isn’t enough chemistry. I have had so many clients asking me why things didn’t work out with a particular person. I can usually tell once you hear a bit more about the circumstances. If there is something about the client that is key, I try to explore that. This can include so many different reasons, and many times we have clear cues and clues we ignore during the date or communication. It’s so crucial to learn to discern because the person usually gives some hints. Of course there are those who totally surprise you. This is where you must use your intuition to understand what is happening and how to move on from it, unscathed and with minimum damage.

Oh No Moment

Don’t bad mouth the person for little things

People are looking for different things in romantic relationships; Some are looking for the ultimate twin flame. Some are looking for flings. Some are looking for excitement and freedom to explore their sexuality. Some don’t know what they are looking for, and some are not looking at all in this area of their life. It’s crucial to have boundaries, limits and ideas of what it is you want. There are female and male predators, as well as well-meaning people looking for companionship. Do you know how to discern the difference, the warning signs of someone who can steal from you, lie to you, cheat on you, hit you, or kill you and your loved ones? Just look at the news and forensic files. Too many deaths are related to sexual/romantic relationships. Though some mentally, emotionally unstable people can go under one’s radar, it is so important to stay informed. Do a little research. Your happiness and safety are worth it. Dating and seeking love should be an exhilarating, hopeful experience, not depressing and dangerous.

Common sense, being savvy, educated, aware, balanced with caution and openness can lead to a more pleasant experience. Explore the self-healing, self-loving areas first. That way you will be better prepared to attract and receive your ideal mate.

~Diana Navarro, M.S.
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners

For Coaching Services with me check here

#bitesizehealing

Dating: Online Ridiculousness OH NO YOU DIDN'T When Actually Dating Part 4

The following Oh No Moment Dating Posts are excerpts from Heartbreak: Know Why and Heal

When Actually Dating Someone: What to Do and Not Do, Really...

When you meet someone you want to date some things should be kept in mind. The main issue is that the rules change all the time. We have several reasons that rules vary, and those can be because of generational, cultural values, influence of technology, religion/or spiritual beliefs, health issues and so on. Try to keep up with what’s reasonable and relevant for you and your date. For many, particularly women seeking men, they often want to know what the rules are regarding having sex. When is the right time? Some do it on the first date, others on the third, others months later and others never. Making assumptions of any sort can be considered bad manners. The bad mannered party may not learn their lesson and just keep doing rude behavior until someone actually stops tolerating it. But is this healthy? Will it turn into problems in the future if this potential relationship? You bet it will. Keep certain things in mind:

Plan ahead for the date and research

It’s better to ask your date some questions before you head out on a date instead of waiting for unpleasant surprises. Plan and ask about:

a) Where you might go?

b) Who is going to pay?

c) Approximately how long it will be?

d) Will anyone join you (yes people actually bring others to their dates sometimes)?

e) What is acceptable eating and dress etiquette in certain places?

The key issues here are to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Oh No Moment

Be thoughtful of what you ask

Don’t start asking super personal questions when you first meet someone, like “are you going to sleep with me tonight?”, “how many sexual partners have you had?”, “do you shave your crotch” At least wait until the second date to ask that. Okay maybe you want to wait a bit longer or see how connected you both are before asking that. Yet again, avoid these and see if you have chemistry first.

Oh No Moment

Having unprotected sex

With all we know today about health and hygiene, it’s a wonder this is still an issue for debate. Having unprotected sex with someone you barely know or can trust (again!) is something to be avoided. In this day and age, we just can’t afford to be this careless about our bodies. Yet this is easier said than done. What helps is to surround yourself with people with the same values. Be firm on your convictions and treat your body like the temple it is.

Oh No Moment

Show up on a date inappropriately prepared

This can include looking too casual, overdressing, not finding out what each of you wants to do, eat, movies, site seeing, etc.

Oh No Moment

If you do, then avoid labeling too quickly

Blurt out what you think you are to your partner to them or anyone else without coming to an agreement of who what you are. Are you a date, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, spouse/wife/husband, or sex buddy, “friend”?

You want to have some discussion as early as possible as to what your goals are. The biggies are to what degree to you want to be with someone, hooking up, -meeting for sex only and no so-called strings, light dating but exclusive, open dating-where you each can date other people, becoming committed for a set time or to head for full partnership or marriage, to have children or animal companions together.

Oh No Moment

Doing things one or both will regret later

Avoid doing things like filming sex videos, taking photos, sending texts, emails or other correspondence with information you want no one else to see, unless you are fully aware it is being done and it could become public domain.

Oh No Moment

Don’t be careless about your drinks when out on a date

This is for men or women. There are real predators out there and you can’t always identify them. Why not be cautious until you get to know the person better. Just look at the news and see how many souls get hurt because they get some drug put in their drink/food without them realizing it.

Oh No Moment

Yeah don’t lick me, bite me, or do anything without consent

No biting, chocking, hitting, please. Not everyone is into “50 shades”. In fact, most savvy and experienced adults know this is all fantasy. And fantasy is very different from reality. You would think this is common sense information. When the movie with this title came out, there were very long lines in theaters everywhere. Many of the people on line were interviewed by the media. It was shocking to hear the answers. Not because they were sexy, but because they were naïve. “It looks exciting”, “I’ve always wanted passion”, confusing passion with aggression, “it’s romantic”, really? What happen to champagne and flowers, too boring? My main concern with the bondage-type movement is that too many people are not educated as to what this entails. There could be and is real humiliation and physical pain, in uncontrolled dangerous and violent situations. More often than not, you will NOT find a billionaire who is good-looking and wants to continue a relationship with you. And even if you did, what kind of human would you be, a sex slave? Is that your definition of love and freedom?

Coming Next: When dating is NOT going to work out

~Diana Navarro, M.S.

Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners

For Coaching Services with me check here

To get  your copy of my books please check here

#bitesizehealing