The following Oh No Moment Dating Posts are excerpts from Heartbreak: Know Why and Heal
When Actually Dating Someone: What to Do and Not Do, Really...
When you meet someone you want to date some things should be kept in mind. The main issue is that the rules change all the time. We have several reasons that rules vary, and those can be because of generational, cultural values, influence of technology, religion/or spiritual beliefs, health issues and so on. Try to keep up with what’s reasonable and relevant for you and your date. For many, particularly women seeking men, they often want to know what the rules are regarding having sex. When is the right time? Some do it on the first date, others on the third, others months later and others never. Making assumptions of any sort can be considered bad manners. The bad mannered party may not learn their lesson and just keep doing rude behavior until someone actually stops tolerating it. But is this healthy? Will it turn into problems in the future if this potential relationship? You bet it will. Keep certain things in mind:
Plan ahead for the date and research
It’s better to ask your date some questions before you head out on a date instead of waiting for unpleasant surprises. Plan and ask about:
a) Where you might go?
b) Who is going to pay?
c) Approximately how long it will be?
d) Will anyone join you (yes people actually bring others to their dates sometimes)?
e) What is acceptable eating and dress etiquette in certain places?
The key issues here are to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Oh No Moment
Be thoughtful of what you ask
Don’t start asking super personal questions when you first meet someone, like “are you going to sleep with me tonight?”, “how many sexual partners have you had?”, “do you shave your crotch” At least wait until the second date to ask that. Okay maybe you want to wait a bit longer or see how connected you both are before asking that. Yet again, avoid these and see if you have chemistry first.
Oh No Moment
Having unprotected sex
With all we know today about health and hygiene, it’s a wonder this is still an issue for debate. Having unprotected sex with someone you barely know or can trust (again!) is something to be avoided. In this day and age, we just can’t afford to be this careless about our bodies. Yet this is easier said than done. What helps is to surround yourself with people with the same values. Be firm on your convictions and treat your body like the temple it is.
Oh No Moment
Show up on a date inappropriately prepared
This can include looking too casual, overdressing, not finding out what each of you wants to do, eat, movies, site seeing, etc.
Oh No Moment
If you do, then avoid labeling too quickly
Blurt out what you think you are to your partner to them or anyone else without coming to an agreement of who what you are. Are you a date, lover, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, spouse/wife/husband, or sex buddy, “friend”?
You want to have some discussion as early as possible as to what your goals are. The biggies are to what degree to you want to be with someone, hooking up, -meeting for sex only and no so-called strings, light dating but exclusive, open dating-where you each can date other people, becoming committed for a set time or to head for full partnership or marriage, to have children or animal companions together.
Oh No Moment
Doing things one or both will regret later
Avoid doing things like filming sex videos, taking photos, sending texts, emails or other correspondence with information you want no one else to see, unless you are fully aware it is being done and it could become public domain.
Oh No Moment
Don’t be careless about your drinks when out on a date
This is for men or women. There are real predators out there and you can’t always identify them. Why not be cautious until you get to know the person better. Just look at the news and see how many souls get hurt because they get some drug put in their drink/food without them realizing it.
Oh No Moment
Yeah don’t lick me, bite me, or do anything without consent
No biting, chocking, hitting, please. Not everyone is into “50 shades”. In fact, most savvy and experienced adults know this is all fantasy. And fantasy is very different from reality. You would think this is common sense information. When the movie with this title came out, there were very long lines in theaters everywhere. Many of the people on line were interviewed by the media. It was shocking to hear the answers. Not because they were sexy, but because they were naïve. “It looks exciting”, “I’ve always wanted passion”, confusing passion with aggression, “it’s romantic”, really? What happen to champagne and flowers, too boring? My main concern with the bondage-type movement is that too many people are not educated as to what this entails. There could be and is real humiliation and physical pain, in uncontrolled dangerous and violent situations. More often than not, you will NOT find a billionaire who is good-looking and wants to continue a relationship with you. And even if you did, what kind of human would you be, a sex slave? Is that your definition of love and freedom?
Coming Next: When dating is NOT going to work out
~Diana Navarro, M.S.
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners
#bitesizehealing
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