(Re)Entering the Dating World
Ah love and dating, isn’t it lovely? Alright, those two don’t necessary go together but I will tell you that as an Intuitive Empath Advisor, Coach, and Counselor, this is by far what I do most of my work in. From thinking about dating to divorce issues, there are volumes upon volumes of material dedicated to these in various ways. Just look around, relationship experts abound. Here however, we are talking common sense and the super basics, which have been forgotten by too many experts. My intention here is to speak of the blatantly rude and silly behaviors that are not working in the dating and relationship scene. This includes so-called advice resources that give the most absurd information and guidance. I just read a magazine for women in their 20’s and was shocked that “hooking up” is highly suggested. I believe that hooking up is one of the most damaging things that ever happened to the world of dating and I’ll tell you why shortly. With all this nonsense advice, it is no wonder everyone is so darn confused.
Anything related to human issues will inevitably involve romance and sexuality. When I first started studying psychology I was interested in general social issues. I was also interested in helping others particularly crime victims. Being a former victim myself, I felt this would be very healing and empowering and moved me from former victim to victor. This worked entailed research and counseling. I did several years of this and learned a tremendous amount about victimology, and the way the law and social services works (or do not work).
This section is for heterosexual and same-sex relationship issues. Some differ but some issues are universal, and that’s what we are addressing here. This section requires a slightly different style, more of a frequently asked questions type. So let’s begin.
What is the best way to meet someone?
That depends on your style, resources and general personality. Some people prefer to be introduced by friends or family. Others like to meet someone spontaneously like at school, work, coffee shop, on vacation, or while commuting. The latter is a bit harder and a lot is based on chance and circumstances. Others try to find someone based on their own lifestyle as in while doing yoga, running a marathon, wine tasting, and so on. Yet, others looking to begin dating try services dedicated to finding you a partner ranging from online dating sites, matchmaking services, dating apps (Tinder/Hot or Not/Grindr, OKCupid, etc.). Each method has its pros and cons but that’s a bit beyond the scope of this book. We are however, going to get into just some of manners issue that would make some of this process much less stressful and more pleasant whether or not you meet someone you are truly interested in.
What is your goal?
Depending on where you are in life, some people just want to meet someone to hook up with, no commitment, and just physical sexual contact. Others are looking to just meet new people and get used to being social after a divorce or a breakup, while others are looking for their life partners. It is so crucial to know what you want when dating because that’s what is going to determine your success or failure in getting what you truly want.
A Note about Hooking-up
I have an issue with the whole hooking-up thing, that is, hooking up as an ongoing lifestyle habit. I find it has devalued the quality of a meaningful connection tremendously. Worst yet, it has created an incredible amount of unnecessary issues. Some of which do not show up for years later. The problem gets freedom to act, confused with self-care, self-respect and yes common sense. In my opinion, sexually transmitted diseases is nature’s way of saying “whoa, slow down cowboys and cowgirls!” Yet here we are ignoring them thinking, I’ll just go to the doctor, get a pill and keep on rolling (in the sheets, or bathroom or wherever). Your body is your temple, why are you just giving it away to anyone who does not genuinely care about you or vice versa?
In addition to physical consequences, as mentioned earlier, there are emotional and spiritual ramifications to engaging in sexual activity for simple immediate gratification. Immediate gratification, can lead to long-term adverse situations. Yes, I said spiritual. It doesn’t matter whether you believe it or not, it happens. It’s like saying I don’t see ultraviolet rays so they must not exist, yet you are getting sunburned and possibly other adverse effects from exposure.
One of the things I deal with as a coach is helping people disentangle themselves from a romantic partner, when they have been intimate and that contact shows its toxicity. Inevitably a negative spiritual attachment is formed when people engage in careless, loveless intimacy. These are called etheric cords, and they are as real as the blood running through your veins. When it’s time to cut the cords people hesitate thinking they will lose someone, when in fact they are just losing the negativity.
What is this toxicity you ask? It is complex and shows itself in various ways depending on the person. It can range from obsession, oppression, depression, dependency issues to lover, substance or self-soothing behavior (food, alcohol, smoking, drugs), lowered self-esteem, physical illnesses like sexually transmitted diseases, fatigue, lethargy, negative outlook, anger, jealousy, lack of self-respect, lack of respect for others, guilt, just to name a few. The question is, is hooking-up, worth these issues?
~Diana Navarro, M.S.
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners
#bitesizehealing
