Dating: Avoiding OH NO YOU DIDN'T Rude Moments an Intro Part 1

The following Oh No Moment Dating Posts are excerpts from Heartbreak: Know Why and Heal

An Introduction: Avoiding the "Oh No You Didn't" Moments in Finding a New Romantic Partner: Manners and Seeing the Humor in the Meeting and Dating Process

It’s hard, very hard to laugh when you’re in pain, but laughter releases hormones that counteract the pain we feel. This book wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t talk about romance with a bit of humor to help us cope with those little “oh no, you moments”.

Oh No Moments

This section in many ways is an introduction to much of the work I am doing on common sense manners versus rudeness. In the dating world, there are a lot of common sense manners missing. I see many people complaining that they are single and they don’t know why.

Now this is tricky because romance has its own timing, but we must do our part. As I said in many sections of this book, self-care is crucial. Self-care can take many forms. It means learning for the first time to love yourself. It is amazing how many people do not care enough about themselves. How in this vast universe can any one outside of you love you if you don’t know what love is from the inside? This is a question to ponder. You will appreciate the humor and recognize some of these oh no moments and have many of your own in this chapter, I am sure.

There will come a time when you will want to step into the dating world again. By then you will ideally have tried some of the healing exercises presented in this book and be well on your way to being whole again. Dating is very challenging. It is essential to have the health and stamina to begin the dating process.

There are so many people out there, how do you find the right match for you amidst billions of people? You have to have common sense, patience and a plan. Full disclosure, I chose to be “single” while undergoing an emotional and spiritual growth spurt.
This was a conscious, but not an easy choice. I do know what happiness is, however. I am happy alone and peaceful until the right time comes to be in lifetime relationship. I am also ready to be alone, if need be, due to my dedication to my life path with is healing and helping others heal with common sense knowledge and tools. With that said, I’ve had plenty of dating experience and know from research and clients what it’s like out there. So let’s start laughing, learning and finding good matches.

I strongly suggest that before you engage actively in dating, you do your negotiable and non-negotiable list in your life contract as seen in Chapter 3 of my book listed above and make use of the scale I’ve created.

via GIPHY

The This is Diana Dumb-ology© Scale

A Little Dumb	Plain Ol’ Dumb	Seriously?? Dumb	Ridiculously Dumb	Ludicrously- Dangerously Dumb
1	2	3	4	5

The Dumb-ology© Scale is a way of measuring the amount of inappropriateness in certain behaviors. I simply call them “dumb” behaviors, but they can have a wide spectrum, ranging from a little annoying to outright dangerous. These include the following:

1. The lowest type of dumb behavior is attributed to simple absentmindedness and human error anyone can make. An example is slowing down suddenly while walking trying to find an address. Just say sorry and move on. These are usually harmless acts but annoying. Thise can potentially lead to more serious issues if one doesn’t become more self-aware.

2. The next level on the scale is an increase in dumbness that is pretty darn annoying. For instance, when someone is having a conversation next to you with someone in person or on the phone and is speaking unnecessarily loud. Or someone begins eating next to you a full smelly meal on a bus or train.

3. The next level gets more serious, yet can be avoided with education and awareness, e.g. I hail a cab in the city, it approaches me and someone out of nowhere takes the cab and leaves me there knowing, I was there already. You say to yourself “Seriously?” did that just happen?

4. With level 4, we are in the chronic dumbness territory. You are walking down a city street and someone passes you bumping you really hard and just keeps going. Or someone goes to the restroom and does not wash their hands, or barely wets them, touches the knob you are about to touch, yeah, lovely. You wake up a day or two later sick because you have lots of bacteria and viruses all over you. Gross but this DOES happen all the time. 

5. Level 5 is where I really cringe. This is dangerous, serious, and deadly dumbness. If a forethought can be given to preventing the behavior, harm to one or many can be avoided. This is road rage, violence or anything that causes extreme harm to anyone or anything. Use the scale in your own daily observations. Compare it with others and see if you agree what a little dumb versus Ludicrously-dangerous dumb is. It might surprise you to see how differently or similarly we each think dumb behavior, in the common sense manners context is.

~Diana Navarro, M.S.
Finding the Beautiful Things in LIfe--Including Manners

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Dark Night of the Soul-Reposted from DailyOM

Image Credit: Fractal Enlightenment

I simply had to re-post this from DailyOm since I wrote about my personal dark night of the soul in my first book You're Not Crazy, It's Paranormal.  This post is a reminder of what a life-changing experience this really is for me and for anyone. The term should not be used lightly.  ~Diana Navarro, M.S.--This is Diana ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dark Night of the Soul

BY MADISYN TAYLOR [original Source:DailyOM] While we are in a dark night of the soul experience, hold steady knowing the light will appear once again. Whenever a word is overused, it is most likely being misused, and over time, it begins to lose its meaningfulness. For example, we often refer to a fleeting feeling of depression or a period of confusion, as a dark night of the soul, but neither of these things qualifies as such. A dark night of the soul is a very specific experience that some people encounter on their spiritual journeys. There are people who never encounter a dark night of the soul, but others must endure this as part of the process of breaking through to the dawn of higher consciousness. The dark night of the soul invites us to fully recognize the confines of our egos' identity. We may feel as if we are trapped in a prison that affords us no access to light or the outside. We are coming from a place of higher knowing, and we may have spent a lot of time and energy reaching toward the light of higher consciousness. This is why the dark night has such a quality of despair: We are suddenly shut off from what we thought we had realized and the emotional pain is very real. We may even begin to feel that it was all an illusion and that we are lost forever in this darkness. The more we struggle, the darker things get, until finally we surrender to our not knowing what to do, how to think, where to turn. It is from this place of losing our sense of ourselves as in control that the ego begins to crack or soften and the possibility of light entering becomes real. Some of us will have to endure this process only once in our lives, while others may have to go through it many times. The great revelation of the dark night is the releasing of our old, false identity. We finally give up believing in this false self and thus become capable of owning and embracing the light.

I Finished a Book, Here's What Happened

Author Page

The Motivation

I've always been a storyteller. I loved, even as a child to share stories. I loved both fiction and non-fiction. I didn't choose writing as a career however. I was more in the healing and business fields for many years, then after some injuries that left me disabled in many ways, I used art like singing and writing as therapy.

The writing took a serious turn when I realized some stories needed to be told. My stories and stories were shared with me by others via exploration and research. Some of these stories also included part of what makes me a bit unusual which is a ridiculous lucid dreaming empath. I dream the strangest things and they are so creative I felt the calling to share them systematically.

As an empath who counseled advised, researched and worked with thousands of people, I knew that creative expression was where I wanted to be. I wanted to ultimately inspire others by example to be creative in some way, shape or form. 

The Process

The first thing I did was begin to just jot down in a journal my real life experiences as well as my dreams. Then I began creating a column of sorts in a website I had. People really seemed to enjoy what I wrote and I then began officially blogging.

As you may know, there are millions of bloggers in the world covering every subject. It can be really challenging to have your work seen. At one time I had a lot of hits on blog entries and at other times, nothing. I tried all kinds of strategies to increase my visibility like videos, various links, images, creative blog titles, gifs, social media use, you name it, I tried it. All you can do is keep going.

You can try tons of strategies on having your work seen but it is literally a full time job. At the end of the day, it's something I do for short pieces like this, but then I turned to writing books. I took my jottings, journals, even past academic work and found ways of putting them together and a way that made sense. Especially with the non-fiction work. The fiction is another process altogether and each process evolves each time I write. The key for me, is to keep learning and improving.

Things have changed tremendously in the publishing world. Thanks to technology I can write my own books in a simple computer program. Then I can either have it done electronically or do a physical version. Of course, it's not that simple. There are one hundred steps to each process but that's when you do things one step at time. Once you do decide you will do this no matter what, all you need to do is take the time to actually do the work. The best part is that there are many resources available to help in the process.

Expectations and Feelings

There is nothing sadder than knowing no one is reading your work, no matter how much heart, soul and work you put into it. This was how I felt about the blogging. When I switched to book writing. I feared the same would happen. It was intimidating to think about writing a book. All these issues and doubts came into my mind. Was I good enough? Would anyone be interested? Could I handle it? Would I make a difference in the world? I wanted to take what was in my mind and get it out into the world for others to experience. By writing a book I could do this. I expected relief that I finished a book, even in draft form. I was indeed relieved I was able to complete this phase.

The next step was to move on to formatting, editing and packaging it so it can be ready to be published and ready to be seen. It was daunting but I decided to take things a bit at time and understand that this was not a linear process. I went back and forth between all these phases to the point of feeling dizzy, but I kept going. That is the absolutely only way I was able to complete the book. The truth is, it took me nine years to complete my first book on the paranormal and spiritual awakening. But it got done.

Results

The first result is as feeling of incredible accomplishment. It doesn't matter I haven't gotten on the bestseller list (yet). I am determined to share my vision with the world via words as well as in other ways because storytelling is multi-media and multidimensional.

When you first hit publish, there is a feeling of elation. "Wow, I did it!" Enjoy that moment. It really is a huge accomplishment.

My motto is: Better done than perfect, better late than never.

The other result was the feeling of motivation to keep writing. Now I could continue to express myself creatively by writing. It was a bit easier to write my next two books because I developed my own formula. However, once you move into a different genre, I realized I'm back on that very challenging learning curve. The fiction work requires a different process I am still working on. It is challenging and intimidating, but I am loving it. Perhaps my next blog on writing will be sharing the process in fiction writing.

However, as I'm working on the fiction I am also working on my fourth book, a memoir titled Oddball, My life as Ridiculous Abnormal. This is my most personal passion project yet. I finally get to share to a large audience how unusual I am and what makes me both an oddball but also able to understand others as an empath.

What About You?

Do you want to write? What do you want to write? Fiction, Non-fiction, long or short stories? Both? What is your plan? Have you written something already? What are your goals? Share your story, it's worth telling.

~Diana Navarro, M.S.

Photo Credit: Asa Williams

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My Recent Heartbreak, How I Chose to Heal

This is Diana

There is nothing worse than an unexpected loss of a loved one, or beloved animal companion especially in the holidays. If you know me, you know I love my animal companions. They are my constant reminder of living, breathing love. So when I lost both my boys within 7 months, (the second very recently) my heart took another hit! This was right before the holidays.  The pain is enormous but I am fortunate to have incredible support. Ironically, this past summer I helped get a beautiful cat off the street. Someone had abandoned her in my neighborhood. She was not doing well. But fortunately a wonderful animal rescue organization Little Wanderers, NYC did what no other big animal foundation does, they actually took her! She was in foster for several months but I couldn't take her because I had my boy Lucky Charlie Spencer. Then literally out of nowhere he got extremely sick and showed a pet parent's worse nightmare. He was dying and at any moment. I don't know how he could go from healthy and running around to being filled with cancer, heart failure and diabetic crisis. But I had to make the painful decision right there and then to end his pain via euthanasia. Fortunately I was with loved ones and we all said goodbye by kissing him and singing to him as he crossed over. Now I had a another hole in my heart. As a show of support, the rescue fund foster parent, sent me a picture of the cat we rescued and said she was healthy (we thought she had special health needs). But it was so soon after losing Lucky I didn't know what to do. It took me about 10 minutes to decide to take her. Now we have a light shining again in the household, helping us deal with the loss of our two beautiful boys in cat-heaven... How we deal with grief and loss is very personal. There is no ONE way. And it does take time, years or decades for some. Unfortunately, I know from both personal experience and my extensive research on the topic. That led to me to write my second book Heal Heartbreak: Know Why and Heal I had to follow my own advice and find ways to alleviate the pain in a healthy way. I am by no means done yet.  I took this opportunity to convert my book into a paperback for those who prefer a physical book. Part of the funds go to places like Little Wanderers, NYCor to help others because the help I received is absolutely priceless how can I not continue to pay it forward....? I hope that this email finds you in a place of peace, joy, abundance and hope. Life is most certainly painful at times. But there are people and animals willing and able to give love and healing. Trust your process and leave a little room in your heart for love. .~Diana Navarro, M.S. For Coaching Services with me check here To get your copy of my books please check here

My Big Problems With Walmart, Is there Consumer Fraud?

What do you do when you try to contact a company like Walmart to resolve issues and they refuse to address it? I choose to blog and post on social media in hopes someone can check on some possible consumer fraud.

The Problem and Why I've Used Walmart.com

I have been buying from Walmart.com for the past 4 years. Why?

• Because I want to, 
• It's more affordable on some items, 
• I can't lift heavy grocery items and 
• I don't drive.

Big Problem, Purchase Cancelled over and Over again. Could it be  attempted Fraud?

My big problem has to do with my billing information. I used either my bank debit/credit card or their Walmart credit card to make purchases. Then recently I got a notification from my bank, Bank of America, that a strange purchase was being attempted. I checked immediately and sure enough someone was "testing" my card trying to make a small purchase to see if the can steal my information. This unfortunately has happened to me before in another situation. So I contacted Walmart.com and they couldn't identify who or even that the mysterious purchase was. Please  see original alert from Bank of America

Hi, DIANA, your debit card was used online, by phone or by mail Account: Debit card ending in xxxx Amount: $ 4.28 1 Made at: WALMART.COM -800-966-6546 ,AR On: September 13, 2016

I immediately removed my card and got a new bank card. I decided to use my Walmart credit card for future purposes and this is when the real strange issue began. I would make a purchase with my card in excellent standing according to the Walmart credit card controlled by Synchrony Bank and the order once placed would me immediately cancelled by "Walmart".

What I tried to do to resolve it

I contacted their help page and was directed to either a phone number or chat. I chose the chat and got a scripted response saying they couldn't help me but to try again in 30 minutes. I tried to email but could not find the email and asked this during the chat, he said it's "help@walmart.com of course". Really? Because I would somehow know this psychically would know this and it isn't listed on their help page? I then emailed them at the email and as in the chat a scripted response saying the banking institution is the one responsible and I am not passing some kind of security check, e.g. expiration date, billing address, other? There is NO expiration date on a Walmart credit card, and all other data is up to date. I tell them this and they said they "escalate" this and to try again, you got it, in 30 minutes.

Sample response on cancelling issue:

Hello Diana,

Thanks for your recent order. We're really sorry, but we've canceled the items shown below because we couldn't verify some or all of your payment information. Please sign in to your account and be sure your billing address, phone number and credit card information is correct and current.

I tried to up to 5 times and every time the same thing occurred. I called, emailed over and over and they just apologized again, with a scripted response and asked me to contact my banking institution. I explained for the 30th time that (it was a
Walmart credit card) they are the banking institution and how the bank card customer service insisted everything was great on their side and didn't know why Walmart.com cancelled. Walmart.com said it was the credit card department that cancelled. See why I'm dizzy? They wouldn't speak to each other and kept me going back and forth.

Image of the Walmart credit card written answer also being told verbally:

Suspicious Request by Customer Service

After contacting them multiple times because I wanted my darn groceries they, as I said earlier gave the same scripted response.

1. They are very sorry for my difficulties
2. They are escalating, please try again in 30 minutes or later in 24 hrs. By the way, when a purchase is cancelled, you have to place the order from scratch. No easy re-order. This is clearly quite time-consuming, but convinced it was a glitch I did it up to five times.
3. THE MOST CONCERNING RESPONSE: Please use another credit card to make your purchases. What?? Wait, I already tried that and someone tried to steal my information. Why would you deny your own credit card service (can't rip yourself off)? I don't want to use another card again due to my suspicion of some internal fraud.

The mysterious internal security check

When I spoke verbally to the Walmart.com customer service regarding this problem, I asked for more details on this mysterious security check that I somehow wasn't passing. They said they didn't know. Yes! They said they did NOT know. So who knows? It's not the credit card department because I'm clear there. What is happening here? 

Another Issue, Not such a big deal but still an issue

All seemed ordinary the first couple years. My only issue at first was the shipping. They would send items and it would take up to two weeks for simple items if you used their "value" shipping or free shipping with a purchase of $50 or more unless you use their standard shipping.

In addition, they would send items separately which wouldn't be an issue if it were one or two shipments but up to five or more? That is ridiculous. It wastes time, resources and energy especially if you can't be home all the time to receive them. Not everyone has a doorman. I dealt with it until I tried to use their Shipping Pass, explained below, and that didn't go very well.

Shipping Pass is No Amazon Prime

Now for the final main issue I had. I used the Shipping Pass Walmart.com offers to save on shipping. It's $49 for the year and is suppose work like Amazon Prime-which incidentally I use and works perfectly. I used it twice and it worked OK except it was more than two days. I tried to use it again and at check out (before I had the Walmart.com cancelling my purchase) there was a shipping fee! Again, I  was confused. I contacted Walmart.com and of course they are "very sorry" but this Shipping Pass doesn't include every item. I know that which is why I ordered items with the Shipping Pass logo next it. They asked me to send them the link or screenshots (yes more work for me) and I did. They said sorry this does not qualify for Shipping Pass, though I assured them it did in the past and the logo was there

Images showing how the Shipping Pass was going through just fine, once you at check out $7.95 mysteriously appeared.

Just one of example of he lovely "scripted" response

Is it me or is there a Shipping Pass logo under the price of this item?

What I want from Walmart or a consumer agency

I want answers. So I would love for someone to help me since Walmart.com did not after contacting them so many times. This post will be re-posted until it is resolved to my satisfaction.

Also, if you've gone through anything like this, let's do something about it.

Oh and once more question, why are some single items (again, not bulk) listed with prices like this the they were $2.09 the day before?