Looking for the Signs From my Loved One
When my mother passed away from a rare cancer in 1999, I desperately wanted a sign from her that she was OK and still around me. From all the research and work I had done on the topic of death and dying, I knew that loved ones had ways of showing their love from the other side via signs. So I asked, wished and looked out for those signs. The signs they send depends on their specific connection to you or some other very obvious object, song, word, or number.
I had an extremely hard difficult time grieving for a few reasons. There are some ways we process the death of a loved one which I discuss in detail in my book on healing heartache. Again because of all my work in this area, I understood this logically but not necessarily emotionally. In addition, I did not expect to have a few other adversities that followed her death that led to a delay in, and made my grief exponentially harder.
I waited and looked for signs from her but never got any. I did dream with her where she gave me a message. However, because I was so traumatized from all the stresses during that early phase, I did not retain the information from that dream, which is very rare for me.
Flash forward to 2005. Things were certainly still rough but a little more stable and suddenly I was noticing butterflies everywhere. I knew butterflies had a spiritual meaning so I, being the overly rational person I used to be, attributed it to finding what I wanted so desperately looking for. I then dismissed seeing butterflies no matter what form they took or how frequently or prominent they appeared.
I continued to see these beauties everywhere and I acknowledged how pretty and lovely it was. Still, I didn't believe this was a sign so I asked my mom in my mind and heart to send me something I know it was from her. Though it had been a few years already since her death, I was still missing her very much and my sense of "home". The emotions were very strong and affecting my well-being tremendously.
Then came the Dimes
I felt that dismissing the butterflies completely would be disrespectful to the whole grief process. I decided to accept them as general lovely signs of transformation and spirituality. And I did continue to see them everywhere. I then began to find dimes. I would find one here and there and it was a fun experience. I don't know why, I guess I heard of pennies from heaven and was happy to see shiny silvery coins instead. For some reason I decided to save them in a little jar I kept on a sacred space I created in my room.
Then things got a little strange. I wouldn't just find a dime once in a while. I would find a dime almost everyday and in fact, multiple dimes. I would find them at home (no surprise there), in the street, which can be expected, the train/bus seats, in taxis, people would give them to me when I didn't pay with cash, strangers would drop them walk away and they'd land next to me, and it went on and on. I would always get this warm feeling and I got one and realized this could be the way my mother was connecting with me.
After doing a little research I found that dimes were indeed connected with being signs from a loved one on the other side. In addition dimes were associated with spiritual awakening which explained their connection with the butterflies I was also seeing. I also found in my research that there were so many stories similar to mine, I could no longer dismiss this as a random, grief-driven coincidence.
This led me to ask for them when a pause would occur in finding them. However, by this time I had enough to know they were a divine gift. Since I was at a point where I was starting my life from scratch in many ways, I really needed confirmation I was on the right track and not repeating past mistakes. For instance, I was about to do my first and largest music show singing and was terrified. While backstage waiting to go on and sing I was a total mess. I wanted to run out of there, go home and hide under my bed. I didn't do that, instead, I asked my mom, If this is part of what I'm suppose to do, please send me a dime!
I looked around and found nothing. I took a few deep breaths and did the show. I figured I was being a bit spoiled asking dimes on demand and was relieved the show was successful. As a group of us left, a friend was going to drive me and a few of us for a celebratory meal. It was night time and dark and rain had just fallen. She unlocked the door and as I and others were entering the car I saw a shiny dime on the side of the car I was entering in. Since my friends knew what it represented, we all rejoiced at the visit from my mother from heaven.
Decision to cash the dimes
It's been over 10 years since I started finding these beautiful dimes. And the last couple of years I find them less frequently. I feel so close to my mother in my heart and mind, she must know I don't need to find them as much.
I still miss her and grieve her but it has gotten better. It is true, time heals all wounds. That doesn't mean I don't have my ups and downs. It is still a roller coaster at times. But by far, much better than it was ten years ago. Recently, as I did some de-cluttering, which I find tremendously helpful in the healing process. I was cleaning where I keep the dimes and felt it was time to cash them in.
I second-guessed myself for a few moments thinking that somehow that would undo all the healing I have experienced. That was a brief moment. I feel instead it is a sign that it is time to release them and keep the cycle of energy going forward. Maybe there are people waiting to receive these very same dimes. There are three I marked with a blue and red marker. It is very faint but still on the dimes. I marked them because I found these specific ones during moments where things looked particularly hopeless. They are extra special but I'm still releasing them. I hope someone who needs them finds them. Maybe you?
I write much more on synchronicities in my book, get it here.
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